Big Bang’s Final Episode

Note to Chuck Lorre:

I can’t help but notice that The Big Bang Theory has jumped a few Selachimorphae recently. So, anticipating the imminent demise (from whatever cause) of the series, I have written a scenario for the “punch line” scene in the final episode … which follows.


After whatever hijinks seem appropriate for the final episode, we return after commercials for the punch line. The scene opens on Leonard and Penny’s bed. Two figures are in the bed but are covered so they’re indistinguishable. The female on the right stirs, and as she sits up we realize it’s Jenna Elfman. She pokes the male figure on the left, and says, “Greg! Greg! I just had the strangest dream. It was a group of weird techies working together at a university; two of them lived together in an apartment building with a blonde woman who was a beautiful but unschooled mid-western would-be actress. It was funny but really bizarre … yet somehow kind of familiar.”

The male figure pulls the covers down from his head, facing stage right, and is revealed to be Bob Newhart. He says, stuttering slightly, “Um, trust me Dharma. I know exactly what you mean.”

Dharma says, “Anyway, the blonde made me wonder if I should grow my hair longer. What do you think?”

Newhart says, reflexively, “No honey, I love you just the way you are. Don’t ever change a thing.”

Newhart rolls to his left to see Kaley Cuoco lying in bed with him. Newhart’s eyes get big, and he says, stuttering heavily, “Not a thing. I mean it!”

(The vanity card will, of course, be your responsibility. Although I’d be glad to do one with a strong liberty theme.)


John Taylor

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